The Parent Gap by Randi Rubenstein

Author:Randi Rubenstein [Randi Rubenstein]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Morgan James Publishing
Published: 2017-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

CONSCIOUS PARENTING LESSON AND SKILL: THE PERSPECTIVE SHIFT

What is the perspective shift and why is it important as a parenting skill? Uncovering the stories from your past helps to shift your perspective and to embrace one that feels less painful. We are all on a quest to increase our dopamine levels and feel better. It’s part of the human experience and what we strive for—simply to feel good, content, and at peace. The perspective shift is a strategy that will help you feel better.

For example, my dad initially shut down regarding uncovering the details of Magda’s Holocaust experience, because the story he was telling himself was that she was a mean, hateful witch. Period. He believed she was a bad person and undeserving of our time, attention, and curiosity. As I chipped away at that deeply held belief by offering a replacement thought—the “we are miracles” story—his perspective shifted, almost instantaneously, from that of a wounded and abused child to that of a 70-year-old adult man whose life is miraculous. He was unaware that this healing was happening, but it was pretty obvious as I saw his face light up and he appeared energized when I offered the new thought focused on the miracle of his life.

As humans, we are wired for story. Stories help us make sense of our lives. Do you remember begging your parents for just one more book? Or, in my case, hiding under the covers with a flashlight until all hours of the night reading Judy Blume or Beverly Cleary?

The most interesting story we will ever learn is the one about our own lives. However, most of us secretly worry that getting curious about our past will be the equivalent of opening up Pandora’s box—and that feels super scary. It takes courage to stop running from your history and become willing to “go there.” Putting those puzzle pieces together—not from a place of blaming all that should have been different, but from a place of accepting the reality of what is—allows the perspective shift to occur.

When you start embracing your story from a place of adult curiosity rather than continuing to see it from a hurt-childhood perspective, it’s incredibly healing, no matter what age you are. Even if you’re 70.

Your story becomes like that book you mourn the ending of, even before you read the final page, because you know it has been your best friend for the last week or so and you aren’t ready to say goodbye yet. The book of your life always has another chapter, or a prequel that you missed because the memory hadn’t resurfaced yet.

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